The V- word: Vulnerability

 

Vulnerable: capable of being wounded or hurt; susceptibility to injury or attack; state of being exposed.

I am exploring this word, a word that often sends chills down my spine. Vulnerability. Boy does it hurt just typing it. I recently shared at a church event that "I don't like people." Sounds a bit disturbing coming from a loud mouth, Christian woman, who's extremely personable and incredibly outgoing, right? If that thought did in fact cross your mind, imagine how it sounded to a bunch of devout Christians in a small room? But as people laughed and others waited to see what's coming next, I explained that the reason I don't like people is because of the fact that my greatest fear, when it comes to building relationships, is being open and being hurt. 

"I don't mind accumulating a lot of acquaintances, I mind being open and vulnerable."

I often consider Mtt.22:39 when my palms begin to sweat, my stomach turns, and my haughty and entitled  attitude starts creeping out from within my fearful heart: Love your neighbor as yourself. And boy oh boy, do I love myself. I think I've mastered the art. I mean I got it down to a science. So it is a call that always raises the bar in my life. I do it, only because I believe this stuff, only because God is real to me, only because he committed to unconditionally loving a jacked-up person such as myself through thick and thin. I don't think I could do it any other way.

I am learning the value of soul-searching and being vulnerable in relationships...all relationships: It really benefits all involved. I know the desire to default to "self-protective" ways can often be tempting, but I am ready to brave this journey and dive into the ugly. I am writing this in hope to inspire, and that someone out there is wishing me the best of luck in this, and sending up a little prayer for me. I think it can be good.

"It will be good. "

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